This Is Us

by jamontsky

I admit that alcohol may have been involved in the decision to see One Direction's latest cash cow production, but we'll soldier on with a thing on it because I found my wallet £15 lighter today and something positive has to come from that.

As a confirmed Beatlemaniac I can't resent this band in good faith. A secret: the 14 year-old version of your author cried herself to sleep many times over Paul and, later, dreamy dreamy dreamy George. I have empathy for the girls in This Is Us sobbing their poor hearts out over these boys next door. And as One Direction they're nice normal guys, which This Is Us hammers brutally into your skull the moment you sit down. Aren't they fun! Isn't this sweet! How cheeky! Not set-up! Natural boys! Good boys! Pretty boys!

I am not immune to prettiness.

As a documentary it follows the clan on tour, a mixture of fun 3D concert excerpts, well-edited montage, happy tomfoolery and talking heads. A lot of money has been poured in and you can tell; the picture is lurid and neon, constructed as carefully as the giant flashing sets they perform on. The kids slot in well; they camp in a Swedish forest and relax in the sun, chatting as if they weren't in a fortress of cameras. As a PR piece it's well done, and my God does it know its target market.

I am not immune to thighs.

From a critical, sociological standpoint This Is Us is a fascinating watermark of the times, and in itself analyses (albeit clumsily) the role of fan-generated social media in the making and breaking of the modern celebrity. From a cynical standpoint it underlines everything fundamentally wrong with the 21st century. I can't tell you what it's like from a fan's standpoint, but Tumblr can — and from a boozed-up standpoint Teenage Kicks sounds amaaaazing through cinema speakers and must be sung at high volume.

But you know, like crochet sweaters and blue food, I know it's bad for me but I had it anyway, enjoyed it immensely and felt immediately sick afterwards. It's too sugary and peppy to not be entertaining. Their fandom sucks you into its swirling abyss; even researching this piece has seen my Google search morph from “Harry Styles” to “Harry Styles cute”, “Harry Styles hot” and, finally, humiliatingly, “Harry Styles shirtless”.

I admit I need help.

But honestly, like you don't sing along to their songs on the radio yourself.

That's 2013's This Is Us, directed by Morgan Spurlock and starring One Direction, who have names aside from Harry Styles but I don't think I care.